Transformers (2007)

"Can you wrangle me up some Ding-Dongs, darlin'?"

The unnamed President (cough, Bush, cough) delivers the funniest line in the film. Only dropped in one scene to somewhat explain why the secretary of defense (Jon Voight) is running his country - because he's too busy eating ding dongs. There's apparently some low-key political satire going on in this film that side tracks from the namesake Auto-Bots getting their deserved screen time. Just like Bush  orders ding dongs, I think Michael Bay created a film that very much represents those ding dongs. A barely digestible snack with no real substance. I liked two things about this movie; first off I recognize that Shia LaBeouf is a great talent. He brings a ton of charisma to an unremarkable script. Secondly, the last 30 minutes worth of action. If this movie was 90 minutes I probably would have liked it much better. However, just like those ding dongs, it's stuffed full of shit. Did we need Transformers to be a political satire? Did we need a GI-Joe side cast? If that was the direction why was this not an actual Transformers + GI-Joe mash up? Hasbro certainly had the rights to do that. I had a hard time revisiting this movie and I'm opting out of continuing the series re-watch. I know it doesn't get much better from here. If I've offended you, I am sorry. Let me end by saying I was never a fan of transformers as a child. In middle school I thought these movies were fun, but I was never in love with them. So it's very possible that these are just not for me, and if you enjoy them than I am glad they serve some audience. Some people really do love Ding Dongs.

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